Joy vs Happiness

Too often people rate their marriage by the happiness they feel. If they are happy; i.e. needs met, feeling fulfilled, spouse is good to him or her, no major problems in life, then the marriage is good. There are a couple of problems with this line of thought. One, it is not Biblical and two, it is not realistic. Happiness; the pleasure, gladness or being favored by good fortune is a product of one’s circumstances. People are happy when life is good and things are going well. Yet, Jesus told us in John 16:33 that in this world we would have trouble. This is one promise we don’t cling to, but it is a reality of life. When people judge their lives by their feelings of happiness, they are headed for disappointment.

Jesus didn’t stop at the statement that we would have trouble in this world, He went on to state that we take heart because He has overcome the world. This is where joy comes in. Joy, the pleasant feelings of contentment is not based on circumstances, but on where our heart is. It is counted as a Fruit of the Spirit; something comes from within when we are right with God. It is not dependent on circumstances, but on our heart. One writer wrote that ‘if happiness is the hand reaching out to take what is desires, joy is the hand that caresses, consoles, and gives.” Happiness is about receiving, joy is about giving.

Do you want joy in your marriage? Or happiness? If you are searching for happiness, you may find it on occasion, but you will tend to be frustrated and disappointed with your spouse and with life in general. Your spouse will fail you, perhaps occasionally, or in the case of selfish, self-centered people, on a daily basis. If you look past the pursuit of happiness and look to the Lord for joy, you will find it, because joy arises out of your contentment and giving. It is not necessarily easy, but if you sincerely pursue a close, vibrant walk with the Lord, joy will follow. Like Paul, can you say that you are content whatever the circumstances (Phil. 4:11)? Think about the excellent and praiseworthy things, rather than the negatives or your life or of those around you. Bring joy to your marriage.