There is NO “Good Divorce”

Many are attracted to the concept of a “good divorce;” that if a couple divorces amicably, the children are actually better off than a couple remaining in an unhappy marriage. Sociologists have even coined the term “binuclear” family, attempting to normalize the effects of divorce and show that what really matters is how parents get along after the divorce, not the divorce itself. There are several problems with this line of reasoning. First, while a good divorce might be better than a bad divorce, it is still not good. Second, there is an enormous amount of research demonstrating that divorce is bad for children, short and long term, and that in the vast majority of divorces conflict and antagonism between husband and wife does not end, but actually worsens after divorce. Finally, divorce research found that children of so called “good divorces” compared poorly with those who grew up with parents in unhappy, low-conflict marriages. It was found that children from amicable divorces are the least likely to attend church.

Compound this information with the fact the children of divorce are two and one half times as likely to have serious social, emotional or psychological problems in their lives. There is NO good divorce! Will divorce happen? Yes. Are there instances when leaving a spouse is warranted? Yes, in the matter of abuse or unrepentant infidelity. But that does not mean that the divorce is good. The better option is for the abusive or unfaithful spouse to repent and get the help needed to build a healthy marriage and family. More than two thirds of divorces today occur, not because of serious sin, but because one or both spouses are unhappy. In reality, it is because one or both quit trying to make the marriage work. Research found that 80% of people do not improve their lives by divorcing their spouses. The oneness of the marriage relationship is violently dismembered and lives are irreparably harmed, generally, because of selfishness and self-centeredness.