As I’ve studied
marriage, not only the Bible, but in culture and history, it is interesting
that while there are many differences and nuances to marriage around the world,
there is a distinct difference between eastern and western marriages. Western marriage
tends to be based on the individual and hence the “love marriage” idea
prominent in western culture today. But more than the idea of having to fall in
love with another person to marry him or her, it seems that western marriage
tends to be the individual first –
even before the marriage relationship. In contrast, eastern marriage tends to
be centered on the family first. Arranged marriages are the norm and couples
tend to follow the suggestions and even the edicts of their parents in regard
to marriage.
I understand
that not every western person puts the individual first and not every eastern
person puts the family first, but I think everyone can agree that individual
first or family first is the tendency for western and eastern marriages. So the
question is, which one is Biblical or more
Biblical? In reality, the answer is neither
and both. There are Biblical examples
of both western love marriages and eastern arranged marriages. The problem
arises when the individual or the family is put first. Biblical marriage
means that God is put first, not the individual or the family. Men and women are to leave their families and cleave
to their spouses, not the family. Likewise, we see Biblically, that we are to
humble ourselves and serve our spouses, the other is more important than the
individual.
We need to move
past our cultural and self-centered conceptions of marriage to the Biblical
ideal of marriage. Marriage should be an earthly representation of the very
nature of God. As we see Father – Son – Holy Spirit in the God-Head, we also
see Husband – Wife – Children. There should be unity, community, singleness of
purpose represented in the marriage relationship as we see in the very nature
of our God. There should be no room for selfishness, self-centeredness, or the interference
from outside forces in the marriage relationship. Love, compassion, grace and
mercy should characterize the marriage relationship. Too often today, we Christian
couples living out their lives and marriage relationship in other than Biblical
ways – it is time to things God’s way instead of the individual’s way, the
family’s way or the culture’s way.
