Happiness: A state of well-being and contentment

     The authors of the American declaration of independence wrote that "Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness"  are "unalienable rights" guaranteed to all people. While that contentment or feelings of well-being certainly is a good thing, it seems that our society today has made the pursuit of happiness the ultimate goal in life. The Bible says to “Enjoy life with your wife, whom you love…” (Ecclesiastes 9:9) and certainly, our Heavenly Father desires peace, joy, and happiness for our, His children. The writer of Ecclesiastes also wrote “When times are good, be happy; but when times are bad, consider: God has made the one as well as the other” (7:14). We all like to be happy, but what happens when we experience the trouble that eventually comes in this broken, sin-filled world?

     The commitment to marriage to often is based on whether or not a person is happy. One writer of a relationship book went as far to define commitment as the product of a person’s satisfaction in the relationship plus the investment they have in the relationship less the quality of alternatives available to them. This idea is prevalent in the Christian church today and it is diametrically opposed to God’s view of commitment! The 80% divorce rate for couples who experience long-term illness or lose a child proves this to be all too true. Many people today abandon their marriage if they aren’t happy and believe that they will find happiness with another person.

     Happiness is a good thing—that well-being and contentment we feel when times are good is wonderful. We must remember that when times are bad, we can get through those times easier when we work together as husband and wife. Happiness is circumstantial, God is bigger than the circumstances. Rather than pursuing happiness, we are to pursue God and walk in obedience to His word. One researcher found that 80% of unhappy couples experiencing problems and remained together, found happiness together after they worked through the problems. Enjoy the good times and work through the problems and trouble you encounter. Make an effort to bring happiness to your spouse; it is likely that act will bring happiness in your own life.

Patience: Tolerating inconveniences or enduring through adversity

     Two Greek words are translated “patience” in the Bible and both are important in marriage. Hypomone is an endurance through adversity—being patient in affliction as Paul wrote in Romans 12:12. Hypomone has to do with things or circumstances. Makrothymia, on the other hand is more about people. This is the toleration of others or longsuffering with others. Makrothymia is listed as one of the Fruit of the Spirit and means that we are to give grace to people rather than contempt because they inconvenienced us. The difference between the two types of patience may seem trivial, but if we consider the distinction between the two and apply the Biblical principles to our marriage relationship, our marriage will improve.

     The fact that 80% of couples who experience long-term the illness of one spouse or the other divorce demonstrates that far too many people today do not have “hypomone” or endurance in their lives. People today often don’t persevere in marriage, yet, the Bible admonishes us to persevere or have patience through the troubles and adversity we experience in life. No marriage is perfect and when we work through the problems we experience, our will marriage grow.

     Couples also need to be patient with each other—to have “makrothymia.” Colossians 3:12 tells us to clothe ourselves with, among other things, patience or longsuffering. Who tends to be most annoying to us? Our spouse! Our differences can be trying sometimes and we need to give grace to each other—to accept and tolerate our differences. Proverbs 16:12 says that “a fool shows annoyance at one, but a prudent man overlooks an insult.” Being patient with our spouse will help us avoid looking a fools, and more than that, we demonstrate love for God and our spouse by being patient with him or her.

     Do you have both kinds of patience with your spouse? Are you committed to your spouse no matter what and work with him or her through the adversities you face? Do you also bear with your spouse? Tolerating your differences and seeking to connect even when he or she is annoying? Surrender to the Lord and in His strength bear with your spouse and patiently love them—clothing yourself with patience.