Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Protecting Your Marriage


It is necessary to take steps to protect your marriage. We are dealing with several couples working through the sin of infidelity at different levels right now and it is difficult! It is not worth the pain you experience to go through the devastation of infidelity. Too many people say, ‘Oh, it could never happen to me – I would never commit adultery.’ We all are only a couple bad decisions away from making possibly the worst mistake of our lives. In today’s world of busy lives, disconnected spouses and abounding temptations, marriages must be protected.

During some research I discovered an article titled, The Science of Love which discussed how chemicals in the brain react to provide those “feelings” of love and bond humans together. The article reported a study in which a researcher asked people to: one, find a complete stranger; two, reveal intimate details about their lives to each other for thirty minutes; and three, then stare into each other’s eyes for four minutes without speaking. He found that many of these couples felt deeply attracted to each other after the 34 minute experiment. Two of his subjects later got married. Wow! In just 34 minutes, two complete strangers can become deeply attracted to each other! It is an amazing discovery.

There are three conclusions that come to mind regarding this research finding. First, a distant or distressed couple can positively change their relationship in 34 minutes. Second, 34 minutes can ruin a marriage and rip apart a family if the time is spent in the wrong place. Third, Christian singles and young people must be aware; spending time with non-Christians of the opposite gender is dangerous! The ‘we’re just friends,’ or ‘we’re just going on a date – not getting married’ argument does not work! In 34 minutes a bond can grow and either strengthen a godly relationship or lead you down the wrong path; we need to be on guard against falling into the trap of experiencing intimacy with the wrong person. Protect your marriage!

Friday, February 17, 2012

The Vow


We went to see the movie, The Vow yesterday and it was good, but not spectacular. The movie is about a young couple who fell in love, married, and then were in a serious car accident. When the wife came out of a coma, she had no memory of her husband. The husband worked to win his wife back and the movie ended with their relationship seemingly going in the right direction, but not yet back together. Before the credits there was a quick photo and text about the movie being based on a true story, which I had to check out.

My research found that the true story is a lot better than the edited version in the movie. The couple, Kim and Krickitt Carpenter married in 1993 and within 10 weeks of their wedding, they were in a very serious car accident, in which, Krickitt almost died. She survived, but when she came out of the coma, she had absolutely no memory of Kim, her husband, and to this day has lost all memory of two and half years of her life. The greatest omission of the movie is the Carpenter’s faith; devout Christians, they say it was their faith that kept them together through their terrible ordeal.

Rebuilding their relationship was difficult, although both tend to downplay the struggle. At one point, Kim thought their marriage would not work, but he wouldn’t give up; “I made a vow before God,” he explained, “until death do you part.” Krickett later said that, “I would love to say that I fell in love with him again because that’s what everybody wants to hear, but I chose to love him and that was based on obedience to God, not feelings… I chose to love him because I made a vow.” Their wedding vows kept them together when both found they were married to strangers – Krickett because she had no memory of her husband, Kim because the brain injury caused significant changes in the wife he had grown to love. It is a challenge to all of us to live out our wedding vows – until death does us part.

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Keeping Romance Alive


Romance is critical to the marriage relationship, but too often couples neglect the romantic part of their relationship. It is important to keep romance alive in your relationship, but realizing that it will take some time and energy. There are several misconceptions about romance; romance is not a feeling, an emotion or contrary to what some “experts” have written, it is not a stage in marriage. Romance is sharing and giving of yourself – the little – and big – things you do to say, “I love you” and let your spouse know that he or she is special.

Two myths about romance pervade our culture today: first, that the feelings of love at the beginning of a relationship are romance. Some people are addicted to these feelings and jump from one relationship to another in an attempt to maintain the euphoria they feel during this period. Those “feelings” are the chemical reaction in the brain God put into humans so that we would bond and attach to one another. Couples need to move beyond this “enchantment” and toward maturity in their relationship. The second myth is similar in that many people believe that romance is a stage of marriage and mature love moves past it and gets on with life. There may be commitment, but there is no fire in the relationship and it is sad to see, because there can be so much more.

When a couple cultivates romance in their marriage, it builds intimacy and enhances their relationship. We may not experience the “feelings” of love every day, but with some creativity and a little work, the fire can keep burning. The Song of Solomon and Proverbs 5:18-19 speak to need for romance in marriage. There can be a desire for your spouse, but you must do something to cultivate it. Discover and speak your spouse’s love language, have a date night weekly, or at least once a month, do loving things for your spouse daily – be creative and have fun! Remember, babysitters are less expensive than marriage counselors.