Skip Christmas - Celebrate Christ!

     There are many views of Christmas - from those who say it is a "pagan" holiday and shouldn't be celebrated, to those who want to "keep the 'Christ' in Christmas," to those who say, 'what's the big deal? We know it is 'Christ' we are celebrating.' Some will angrily argue their view point and even use the Bible to back up their opinion. Others happily just go on with the exchanging gifts and celebrating in one way or another.
     Many years ago, it dawned on me that as a family, we were just trading our wealth by exchanging gifts at Christmas. We purchased and received things that we didn't need or often even cared about. I wondered what we could differently to, perhaps, make our Christmas more Christian. We began providing "Christmas" for another family each year. At times, we did make a difference, but in reality, the question has to be asked, was this what God wanted from us?
     Jesus Christ came to earth to give His life to save humanity from their depravity. Should there be a "holiday" to commemorate this event? Shouldn't we skip the holiday - and just celebrate Christ? Instead of spending money on the trappings of Christmas - i.e. decorations, parties, the traditional Christmas food, shouldn't we do what Christ commanded: care for the poor and reach out to the lost? Instead of singing "Christmas carols" - such as "I'm dreaming of a white Christmas," (why would anyone living in Arizona sing such a song?), shouldn't we give our praise and adoration to the One who left the glories of Heaven to come to this messed up world and give His life for us?
     There are a great many things we can do to celebrate Christ instead of spending enormous amounts of time and energy preparing for a "holiday." We could quit being so selfish in our relationships and give of ourselves as Christ has commanded us. We could carry each other's burdens and love others as Christ wants us to. We could turn from sin - the addictions and problems we are bound up in. We could shape our marriages, families, and even churches more into the image of Christ; displaying the love of God to all those we come in contact with. We could humble ourselves, pray and seek God's face and turn from our wicked ways - that would be celebrating Christ!
     I would even take thise a step further and say that if you are not willing to love Christ by obeying Him, you should stop celebrating Christmas, or just admit that you are not celebrating Christ, but using the holiday to your own selfish ends. Think about it...

Happiness: A state of well-being and contentment

     The authors of the American declaration of independence wrote that "Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness"  are "unalienable rights" guaranteed to all people. While that contentment or feelings of well-being certainly is a good thing, it seems that our society today has made the pursuit of happiness the ultimate goal in life. The Bible says to “Enjoy life with your wife, whom you love…” (Ecclesiastes 9:9) and certainly, our Heavenly Father desires peace, joy, and happiness for our, His children. The writer of Ecclesiastes also wrote “When times are good, be happy; but when times are bad, consider: God has made the one as well as the other” (7:14). We all like to be happy, but what happens when we experience the trouble that eventually comes in this broken, sin-filled world?

     The commitment to marriage to often is based on whether or not a person is happy. One writer of a relationship book went as far to define commitment as the product of a person’s satisfaction in the relationship plus the investment they have in the relationship less the quality of alternatives available to them. This idea is prevalent in the Christian church today and it is diametrically opposed to God’s view of commitment! The 80% divorce rate for couples who experience long-term illness or lose a child proves this to be all too true. Many people today abandon their marriage if they aren’t happy and believe that they will find happiness with another person.

     Happiness is a good thing—that well-being and contentment we feel when times are good is wonderful. We must remember that when times are bad, we can get through those times easier when we work together as husband and wife. Happiness is circumstantial, God is bigger than the circumstances. Rather than pursuing happiness, we are to pursue God and walk in obedience to His word. One researcher found that 80% of unhappy couples experiencing problems and remained together, found happiness together after they worked through the problems. Enjoy the good times and work through the problems and trouble you encounter. Make an effort to bring happiness to your spouse; it is likely that act will bring happiness in your own life.

Patience: Tolerating inconveniences or enduring through adversity

     Two Greek words are translated “patience” in the Bible and both are important in marriage. Hypomone is an endurance through adversity—being patient in affliction as Paul wrote in Romans 12:12. Hypomone has to do with things or circumstances. Makrothymia, on the other hand is more about people. This is the toleration of others or longsuffering with others. Makrothymia is listed as one of the Fruit of the Spirit and means that we are to give grace to people rather than contempt because they inconvenienced us. The difference between the two types of patience may seem trivial, but if we consider the distinction between the two and apply the Biblical principles to our marriage relationship, our marriage will improve.

     The fact that 80% of couples who experience long-term the illness of one spouse or the other divorce demonstrates that far too many people today do not have “hypomone” or endurance in their lives. People today often don’t persevere in marriage, yet, the Bible admonishes us to persevere or have patience through the troubles and adversity we experience in life. No marriage is perfect and when we work through the problems we experience, our will marriage grow.

     Couples also need to be patient with each other—to have “makrothymia.” Colossians 3:12 tells us to clothe ourselves with, among other things, patience or longsuffering. Who tends to be most annoying to us? Our spouse! Our differences can be trying sometimes and we need to give grace to each other—to accept and tolerate our differences. Proverbs 16:12 says that “a fool shows annoyance at one, but a prudent man overlooks an insult.” Being patient with our spouse will help us avoid looking a fools, and more than that, we demonstrate love for God and our spouse by being patient with him or her.

     Do you have both kinds of patience with your spouse? Are you committed to your spouse no matter what and work with him or her through the adversities you face? Do you also bear with your spouse? Tolerating your differences and seeking to connect even when he or she is annoying? Surrender to the Lord and in His strength bear with your spouse and patiently love them—clothing yourself with patience.

Collaboration: Working as a team to resolve problems or accomplish goals

     The marriage relationship, according to God’s plan, is a relationship of unity and common purpose. It is a relationship where husband and wife work together as a team to resolve problems they encounter and accomplish their goals. They use their differences to better meet the challenges and fulfill God’s purpose for them. In short, they collaborate. That collaboration, that working together doesn’t happen without being purposeful and deliberate as recorded in Amos 3:3; “Do two walk together unless they have agreed to do so?”

     Collaboration is a great concept for marriage - when two or more people collaborate, they are working together toward a common goal. We know there are going to be many challenges and some definite problems in life and when we collaborate, we are utilizing our differences, our individual strengths and abilities to meet those challenges and problems. Whether we face financial difficulties, problems with children, job or relationship problems, or anything else, we will better meet those difficulties when we face them together as a team. It doesn’t mean that we will necessarily agree on the best way to resolve problems, but it does mean that we will focus on the problem, not each other. We won’t allow our differences to become the problem.

     To effectively collaborate we must drop the ‘my way is the way to handle the problem.’ It requires a humility and acceptance of the fact the our spouse has valuable input into the resolution of any problem or the accomplishment of any goal. One person may be a “financial expert” while their spouse has no training in the area, but if the “expert” doesn’t at least objectively consider what his or her spouse has to say, they are perhaps missing a point of view that may save loss and pain down the road.

     Will you collaborate with your spouse? Will you work with him or her to discover the best solution to problems you encounter? To achieve your purpose and goals a couple? The challenge is to put aside your pride and preconceptions to seek healthy resolution to the problems you encounter. Be purposeful and deliberate about walking together with your spouse.