Marriage: The Union of Two Fallen Humans

People usually marry expecting that their spouses will never sin against them. It may not be a conscious expectation, but there is the expectation that, “if you love me, you will never wrong me.” This of course does not fit with Romans 3:23 (all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God) and 1 John 1:8 (if we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves…). We live in a broken and sinful world and have a propensity for sin ourselves. Selfishness comes naturally for us and all too quickly, we can fall back into poor behavior that negatively affects our relationship. Yes, we should not sin against or hurt our spouse, but we do.

Ruth Graham once said that, “a happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers.” Forgiveness must be a part of our marriage relationship. It is required. Jesus stated that if we do not forgive others their sins, our sins will not be forgiven (Matthew 6:15). Couples begin moving apart when unforgiveness and bitterness set in and if not checked, this will lead to separation. Oneness and continued growth in the relationship necessitates moving toward one another and forgiveness restores the relationship when husband or wife has been wronged. The majority of serious marital problems are not caused by one catastrophic sin, but the accumulation of small problems not forgiven.

So, what are we to do? First, we must realize that neither of us are perfect. We are both human beings prone to sin. Second, we need to be willing to ask for forgiveness and give forgiveness when hurt happens in the marriage relationship. Colossians 3:12-14 is a great passage to live by: “Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.” After 30 years of marriage, I can tell you it does get easier, but you must continue to work at it.