The marriage relationship should be a 100-0 relationship. It is a matter of giving everything and expecting nothing in return. Jesus gave everything for mankind without any expectation and Christians are also to give everything for their spouse. Ephesians 5:1-2, John 15:12-14 and other Scriptures bear this truth out. Yes, if one person gives all and the other never gives anything in return, that is a problem. And no, we are not talking about allowing abuse or sin or inappropriate behavior. But what would happen if I just stopped focusing on all those things about my spouse that bother me and focus on meeting his or her needs and making them happy? What if I just dropped the expectations and sought only the best for my spouse? What if husbands and wives sought to win their spouse without a word (1Peter 3:1-2) - to serve and love their spouse unconditionally? What a concept! To love each other as Christ would want us to - yet, too often, in counseling, I have to try to persuade people to die to self and just love their spouse without expectations. The Christian marriage is a covenantal relationship. A relationship in which each spouse fulfills his or her responsibilities even if the other does not.
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